Realizations

I was just catching up on some of the blogs that I read, and one of them was about how their ED is related to their emotions. It got me thinking. I haven't been able or my mind hasn't let me, to eat what I was eating for the first half of the year, for the past few months (low calories, barely anything). Anyway, the point is, I realized that it's been this way, ever since my life started to go well. I never thought I'd say that, but it is. Except my social life, but that's another story.

I hate that I fail every time I set a calorie limit or attempt a liquid fast ect. I eat, sometimes even without discust. In a way, I think I recovered without meaning to. I guess I also found the underlying reason for my ED. 

But despite this, I still need to lose this fat. So I'm starting a new diet asap. I'm not sure which one yet. It has to be something that I can eat dinner with (salad), my dad started to ask questions when I attempted a liquid fast the past few days. I caved in and ate to avoid suspicion. I'm weak, I know.

But weight wise, I guess I haven't put on that much. Considering I went through a mega binge phase at one stage. I've pretty much maintained, give or take a few.

So, suggestions for diets are welcome. I need to get as low as I can before it starts to get hot.Which, is super soon, so I don't have a very good chance, but I can try.

I wish I could go jogging in the morning, but I usually start work at like 6am or so. So, I'd have to get up ridiculously early, and then I'd be pooped for work anyway, plus it'd be dark.. I'm way too chicken. I've got EA Sports Active 2 though, so I am going to start using that again. I gave up after I started to hurt after the first few days. 

I've done barely any exercise though, apart from my shifts at work. Which is quite a bit, but I need to do more. 

I'm thinking about doing the Skinny Girl Diet, to get back into things. 

Sorry, I am pretty much just typing as I am thinking. So I have no idea if this post is going to make any sense.. :P

"Gotta pick myself up, where do I start?"

-Kayla <3