So close, yet so far.

So, I did a liquid diet/fast on Thursday. Then it was back to my 100 cals on Friday. Then Saturday I allowed myself to eat a regular dinner. The weird thing is, when I weighed in on Saturday, I had put on weight. But when I weighed in this morning, I had lost weight. That's after eating a regular meal o.O

As of this morning I am back down to 69.2kg. :)That's 4.7kg down since Monday.:D

BUT today I had a major binge day :/ not keen for the number on the scales tomorrow...

I have to be strong this week. I want to at least be down to my lowest weight by Saturday. That's only 0.7kg away. Easy. I just have to be strict with myself and not allow "just a little" because it's not that much to loose.

Ideally, I want to be down to 65kg by Satuday, though. That's only 4.2nd away. :)

I was just going to eat whatever tomorrow, because it's my day off. But now that I worked all that out, I'm not wanting to. My final goal weight is so close. I'm just not sure whether to keep up with what I was doing this week, or change it up a little... Hmm..

Anyway, sorry for the long post :S I hope everything is going well for everyone. <3

Do it for yourself.
-Kayla <3

Feeling it.

I'm feeling it today. Haven't restricted this much in months.

I had to go pretty much all day without food, because I had my break at work at 8:30am, so I didn't eat again until dinner, at about 7pm or so.

I plan to fast tomorrow, I'm not sure if I have the strength to though, the only reason why I was going to was because it is my day off. But I am going shopping, so, I'm not sure how I am going to hold up.

I dropped nearly 2kg since yesterday though :)


Food diary:

Breakfast: Sugarfree V - 8 calories.

Lunch: 10 grapes - 16 calories.
            5 strawberries - 19 calories.

Dinner: 1 Cup of lettuce - 8 calories.
            1 Cherry tomato - 5 calories.
            2 Pickled cucumber slices - 16 calories.
            2 slices of beetroot -10 calories.

Dessert/Snack: cordial ice cup - 11 calories.

Total: 93 calories.



"I'm on my way."
-Kayla <3

Day one, accomplished.

I changed my blog layout! :) I like the birds, for me it signifies being free (of this fat, and so much more).  :)

So, anyway, I weighed in this morning. To be honest, I can't remember the number, but I THINK it might have been 73.9kg. Something like that anyway.

I want to be under or around 70kg by next Monday.

I worked for 7.5 hours today, so that would have burnt heaps of calories. YAY :D  My deal with myself is that if I work less than 5 hours, then I have to do some cardio that day. It's just a plus if I have the energy to do some even if I work more than that.

I am sooo dehydrated right now. I'm about to go to bed though, and I have to get up for work super early tomorrow morning, so I don't want water to effect my weigh in.

I don't have time to do my toning exercised tonight, it's straight to sleep after I finish righting this. I should learn to do them before now, in the future. >.<

For the first time in months, I am going to bed hungry.

Now, for my food diary;

Breakfast: Sugafree V - 8 calories.

Lunch: 10 small grapes - 16 calories.
            10 balls of watermelon - 37 calories.
            10 small strawberries - 22 calories.

Dinner: 1 cup lettuce - 8 calories.
            Slice of beetroot -5 calories.
            Slice of tomato - 4 calories.

Total: 100 calories.




If I keep this up, I'll be at my goal weight in no time :)

We'll be skinny. We have the strength.
-Kayla <3

De Ja Vu anyone?

Same old, same old.

I didn't end up following the plan that I posted on the 1st of November. It is now the 13th. -.-

BUT, I just read my August posts, it made me SOOO motivated. It made me believe in myself again. That I CAN do this.

I planned on eating under 200 calories this week, but I am going to change it to under 100. Then next week I'll change it to under 200. I an so motivated right now. But, that can change in a heartbeat. My mind will trick me and say, '"ahh lets just start tomorrow." I won't let it happen again.

I am going to go have a shower, create a food plan, then go to sleep. Work for 8 hours tomorrow, 7.5 if you don't include my break (which will be fruit).

Goodnight :)
-Kayla <3

My Month. It HAS to be.

I still haven't turned it around yet. But I NEED to!

It's the 1st of November. I WILL go at LEAST this whole month without messing up. OR I have to burn it all off until I'm within my calorie limit again. I'm going to give myself a limit of 500 calories a day. That's pretty doable. 

I nearly messed up already today. But I had told my brother that he can't let me eat any of the left overs from last night, and it worked, he guilt tripped me into not eating. Thank goodness.

So here is this months plan:

Calorie limit: 500.

Exercise:

• 100 crunches.
• 50 scissor leg lifts each leg. (side ways)
• 50 leg lifts each leg (front ways)
• 30  push ups (not very good at proper push ups, so do as many as I can, then the rest "girl" push ups.)
• Aerobics on Wii 4 days a week.

I think that should get me back down to my LW by the end of the month. Hopefully anyway. 

Chin up and smile. 

-Kayla <3

Realizations

I was just catching up on some of the blogs that I read, and one of them was about how their ED is related to their emotions. It got me thinking. I haven't been able or my mind hasn't let me, to eat what I was eating for the first half of the year, for the past few months (low calories, barely anything). Anyway, the point is, I realized that it's been this way, ever since my life started to go well. I never thought I'd say that, but it is. Except my social life, but that's another story.

I hate that I fail every time I set a calorie limit or attempt a liquid fast ect. I eat, sometimes even without discust. In a way, I think I recovered without meaning to. I guess I also found the underlying reason for my ED. 

But despite this, I still need to lose this fat. So I'm starting a new diet asap. I'm not sure which one yet. It has to be something that I can eat dinner with (salad), my dad started to ask questions when I attempted a liquid fast the past few days. I caved in and ate to avoid suspicion. I'm weak, I know.

But weight wise, I guess I haven't put on that much. Considering I went through a mega binge phase at one stage. I've pretty much maintained, give or take a few.

So, suggestions for diets are welcome. I need to get as low as I can before it starts to get hot.Which, is super soon, so I don't have a very good chance, but I can try.

I wish I could go jogging in the morning, but I usually start work at like 6am or so. So, I'd have to get up ridiculously early, and then I'd be pooped for work anyway, plus it'd be dark.. I'm way too chicken. I've got EA Sports Active 2 though, so I am going to start using that again. I gave up after I started to hurt after the first few days. 

I've done barely any exercise though, apart from my shifts at work. Which is quite a bit, but I need to do more. 

I'm thinking about doing the Skinny Girl Diet, to get back into things. 

Sorry, I am pretty much just typing as I am thinking. So I have no idea if this post is going to make any sense.. :P

"Gotta pick myself up, where do I start?"

-Kayla <3

Lack of motivation

I haven't posted in yonks!

I just wanted to do a quick update, to let you guys know that I'm okay.

Well, other than I'm still fat. Fatter even.

The last diet that I was posting about, a couple of months ago now, I did for about 3 weeks. I think. It was so long ago now..  But anyway, I lost control when I had a few 'free' days, where I could eat anything I wanted. BIIIIG mistake. 

I pretty much overate and not on good things either, ever since. I've tried a few times to try and get myself out of this rut, but I always go back to my old ways. 

Does anyone want to help me get back on track? Comment if you do, or email me at iwillbebeautiful@gmail.com :) I could really use with some help and support <3

Help each other help ourselves.

-Kayla <3