Long time no see..

Hey guys,

It's been three or so years.. I'm sure no one reads this anymore, but it's a nice little diary for me to keep for myself.

I have/had 'recovered' (and I use that term loosely in my case) in these past years. I am now a regular gym goer, it is something I really enjoy. I still struggle with BED still though. I can usually lose the weight from a binge, pretty easily though.. but lately has been really tough. I'm at a really high weight at the moment and the weight just won't budge.. So I've kind of slipped back into old habits..
I'm not restricting too severely as I am trying to maintain a much muscle mass as I can.. At the moment I'm restricting to around 700-1100, depending if I'm working out or not that day.
Iv'e lost a couple of kg in the past few days from doing so. Mostly water weight, just de-bloating you know.
I'm sick of yo-yoing, but I don't know how to stop. Every time I lose a significant amount of weight, even healthily, I ALWAYS binge, no matter what. I'm at my wits end.

I'm going to update my 'Rewards' page, to hopefully give myself a little more incentive to not binge in the future..

K xx

I tried it the healthy way.

I've been trying to lose weight the healthy way for 8 days now. Since the start of the year. I know that's not long. But I've been eating "properly" and exercising everyday. I am just not getting the results I want (like I do with Ana) So! Back to Ana. Once I've lost a fair bit, I'll try again with "normal eating", but in the meantime;

 LET'S GET SKINNY!

-Kayla <3

It's been too long

It's been a while. I know.

Last week, I did two days of the 30 Day Shred. Yes, I only did two days. But it didn't discourage me that I didn't keep it up. I am still motivated. It motivated me even more to finally get some physical activity.
I liked how I felt afterwards. Just that little bit less of hatred about my body. Just a little.

Anyway. So yesterday I did great. I didn't exercise but I did work for 4.5 hours, so it's some kind of movement at least.

I only ate 185 calories yesterday. So so sooo much less that I have for the past few months. I feel great.

I weighed in this morning weighing 1.6kg less than yesterday. Still at an embarrasingly high weight though. Higher than when I started this blog..

Today I am only going to be eating 90 calories. I did as much exercise as I could (I've pulled a muscle in the back of my thigh, so it was a struggle to do the little that I did.)

I'm really determined though. I can do this. No giving up this time.


It's been too long.
-Kayla <3

40 Hour Famine

I'm doing the 40 hour famine at the moment. It actually worked out better than I anticipated. There is an hour and a half left. I haven't been able to get my mind in the right place to water fast lately. But I successfully did it this time around. I think it was because I told my family, best friend and boyfriend that I was doing it and I didn't want to fail in front of everyone. It was good. I wish I could tell everyone when I always water fast. That could end badly though.. :P

I'm probably going to binge when this is over though.. :\ But I am determined to make up for it between Monday and Thursday. Going on my 4 day holiday Friday-Monday. I hate that I'll be fat for it, but oh well, there isn't much I can do about it now. I'll just make sure I am skinny for my next holiday. That is why I have decided to start the ABC diet next Tuesday, the day after I get back. Should be good :)

Also, I am going to exercise and do toning exercises this time around, so I don't end up skinny fat again.


I weighed in yesterday at 76.6kg. This morning I weighed in at 74.7kg, not bad for a days worth of water fasting huh :)



I hope everything is going well you all! :)
-Kayla <3

If tomorrow never comes..

I haven't really lost any weight.
Just maintaining around the same number.

I did that coffee diet I posted about in my last post for 5 days, but then took a break to eat normally with my boyfriend and have been off the rails since.

He is eating healthy now, but I'm finding it hard to get my head in the game.

I'm going on a holiday in two and a half weeks though, so I need to lose at LEAST 5kg. Do-able.
So, for the next two days I will only consume liquids. Then the next two days I will water fast. That's all I've planned so far. We'll see how that goes.

I want to be exercising everyday, it doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's something. I'll start off somewhat easier then build up to super intense and fat burning.

Oh, today I realised that the weight I am at now, I am officially overweight.. :\ 77.2kg jeez. I need to fix that. I can't believe I let it get this far.. ugh.


I CAN DO THIS!


Don't wait for tomorrow.
-Kayla <3


[[EDIT]]

I've decided that I'll eat only salad for the next few days, consisting of lettuce, carrot and cucumber. Less likely to binge this way.

New found love

Coffee; my savior. Last week I was having a little bit of coffee a day. It's grown on me and now I love it. Pretty sure I'm addicted. It puts me in such a great mood. I love it! For the past 3 days (today being the third day) I've only been drinking coffee during the day and then having my regular dinner. I plan on doing this all week and I'm hoping to lose 5kg this week by doing so. At the moment I'm at 0.4kg/5.0kg. So I still have to lose 4.6kg to lose before Saturday morning. I doubt I'll lose a whole 5kg. But that's my goal. Weight this morning 76.1kg. Fuck. Finally back in the right mind set to lose. I need this. <3

There's one thing missing

I am absolutely loving life at the moment.

People have literally said that I am glowing.

I went to a bonfire party last weekend and saw friends I haven't seen in nearly a year. I actually socialized and had a good time. It's like I'm a new me. I was speaking to someone on facebook that was at the party and they said that I was so outgoing and bubbly. Those words have NEVER been associated with me before. EVER. It's quite a nice change!

I've just been really confident, talkative and happy lately. I love it.

And it's actually quite surprising, because I am at a higher weight that the weight I naturally maintain. Which is bothering me quite a bit. But I've started cutting down, choosing healthier options and doing toning exercises and some walking. I need to focus on cardio a bit more. To burn this fat.
I don't fit into most of my clothes which is annoying :\
But it can only get better from here, right?


When I lose this weight; life will be perfect <3



You will find happiness.
-Kayla <3